The Comeback Post: A Realisation

melancholy

It’s exactly one year ago today since my last post.

Reading all my previous entries brought me into a strange melancholy.

Emotions and images come alive as I read every phrase…every word.. out loud.

The sound of my voice awakens the captured memory of years and months passed. One by one I feel warmth deep in my chest, slowly creeping up to my throat, and finally resting on my eyes.

Amazing how words can bring you back in time, making every detail as true as they could be – all without leaving reality.

I wonder if I still know how to create such enchantment.

This is what I say to your ego

If you feel threatened by a woman
Don’t be.
Only insecure people fear confidence.

This. Is not a war.
This. Is not a competition,
Between your species and hers.

Stop deciding on who is better at, more at
Taller than, richer than, lesser than…

All she wants is for you to see.
– Not look.
All she asks is for you to listen.
– Not hear.

When you see her wearing padded blazers with classic black trousers paired with stilettos that hurt after 10 minutes, don’t laugh.

Don’t judge.

This woman is not trying to threaten or intimidate anyone.
She is not doing all of these for you.
Don’t flatter yourself.

She is standing for every lady that has been cat-called.
She is standing for everyone who has been shoved to the side.
She is standing for those  too timid to speak.

She is fighting against every man that discriminates.
She is fighting for every woman who tolerates.

If you feel threatened by a woman
This is what you ought to do:
Open your eyes
Wide.

Wide enough to see beauty and gentleness.
Open enough to see intelligence, wit, and elegance.

So here’s a toast to your ego!
Served with a dose of respect and a pinch of reality.
Hoping one day you’d learn to return the favor.

Chill.
I mean, Cheers!

The things you have to forgive me for

Forgive me for staring so long at your beautiful eyes. I couldn’t help but get lost in their mystery as they glimmer under the golden sun.

Forgive me for always looking at your lips. I like how the lines curve up when you smile, or arch down when you make a face, and even how they’re pressed together when you reach for a kiss.

Forgive me of being fond of your teeth. I look at them and travel back in time to the nights when little baby doll forgot to brush her teeth, or the times when she cried her way for a cotton candy, or when she threw a tantrum asking for one more tootsie roll.

Forgive me for surveying your body – your legs, your shoulders, your arms, your feet, your back, your stomach, your breasts. They are perfectly and wonderfully made.

Forgive me for being drawn by your passions. I will never get tired of hearing you talk about them without fear or regret but with thrill and hope.

Forgive me for being amused by your antics. Sometimes they get weird and scary. Oftentimes they hit the bullseye of humor and wit. Every single time, your shenanigans are one of a kind. You are one of a kind.

But don’t expect me to apologise for loving you. No. That I can’t do. For loving you is a privilege available to only a few. And how lucky! Oh how lucky is the man who gets to spend his lifetime with you.

When You Choose Pain Anyway

(Date: October 20,2011)
 
choosing pain
 
Who said that life is fair? Where is that written?

One can’t simply ask for everything because they know they deserve it. Just because one demands for it doesn’t mean they can have it. You can’t just tell someone you love them and expect a “sweeping off the feet” moment. You have to change your fairy tales.

It doesn’t always work that way. For most part, even if you have mustered all the courage, swallowed your pride, and put yourself vulnerable by telling them how you feel, it’s still isn’t enough. You can’t force someone to love you back just because you became daring Emma Watson all of a sudden!

Love is, felt and given freely. You don’t have to beg for it.

Funny thing is, you know ALL about these but you. just. won’t. listen!

You want to get away from it, but you can’t. You thought you were over it, but you’re wrong. The only thing that you can do is pray that somehow, someday you find the strength to do the right things. Those that you are fully aware of from the beginning.

But why can’t you do it?

Maybe because every time you feel like breaking away, something or someone gives you a false reason to go back, to hope, to hold on. Maybe you run to that wrong person because you keep on remembering that once in your life you thought they’re the right one. Maybe you’re dreaming that if they only know how much you love them, if only they’d listen, maybe you can both be courageous and take the risk together. But the next thing you know, you’re back to that same pit you were once before.

Worst part?

They’ve moved on a long time ago and you’re just stuck there where they left you. Maybe they’ve already found someone they want to spend the rest of their lives with while you sulk in your pathetic universe.

But isn’t that always the case? You love the ones that don’t love you but hurt that ones that do. You ignore the ones that adore you and adore the ones that ignore you.

How many times do you have to get hurt before you learn to let go of things that are not for you?

S.O.S.

Again, I am back at the hollow
Staring at low ceiling, thinking…
What am I doing?
Why am I even here?

Circumstances conspired
To bound my soul in cloudiness
And showed a wicked person
That is me all along.

I have to get out of the dark,
While I can still see light.

But how could I?
Something is tenderly luring me in –
Somebody, someone, some thing
Some sort of strong force I can’t resist.

In daylight, the will is as strong as iron,
In the dark, it melts and drips away.
How could I expect someone to save me?
How could they even understand?

I sighed, “This is hard.”
I closed my eyes, “Get me out.”
I pleaded, “Help me.”
Please Lord.